The Mirror and the Epiphany: What High Achievers Can't See About Themselves
There is a particular kind of exhaustion that high-achieving leaders know well. It isn't the tired that comes from too many hours or too little sleep. It's something subtler — a depletion that sets in when you've been working against yourself, pushing hard in a direction that doesn't feel natural, wondering somewhere underneath it all whether you're actually built for this.
Gerry (not his real name) walked into our coaching call wearing that kind of tired.
"I had to spend too much time on the people thing," he said — air quotes firmly in place. He'd been coaching, mentoring, and navigating complex team dynamics, trying to move people toward results he could already see clearly. He just wanted them to get it. Instead, he was the one depleted.
"I don't know if I can do this," he said, with a sigh that seemed to carry the weight of months.
Gerry is what you might call a classic high-achievement-motivated leader. He sets ambitious goals, moves fast, and holds himself to an exacting standard. These qualities have served him well — they're a significant part of why he's in the role he's in. But they can also make the relational, developmental, slower-moving work of leading people feel like friction. Like an obstacle between where he is and where he wants to go.
What Gerry couldn't yet see was that the "people thing" wasn't getting in the way of the work. It was the work. And he was doing it.
Over the next hour, we did what coaching does at its best: we slowed down and looked carefully at what had actually happened in those exhausting conversations. We unpacked the complexity he'd navigated, the influence he'd had, the trust he'd earned. Piece by piece, the picture changed.
He wasn't failing at leadership. He was practicing it — at a level that was genuinely hard, with people and dynamics that were genuinely complex. He and his peers, with their respective teams, were collectively achieving things that hadn't been possible before.
He just hadn't stopped long enough to see it.
By the end of our call, something had visibly shifted. The tension in his face dissolved. He looked — there's really only one way to describe it — relaxed and energized at the same time. Present in a way he hadn't been at the start.
After a quiet moment, he said: "Wow. This was a surprise epiphany."
I laughed and told him: that's the nature of epiphanies. They're always surprises.
When I shared Gerry's story with my husband that evening, he reflected it back to me in a way that stopped me:
"So a big part of your work is holding up the mirror — so people can see what they're already doing."
Yes. Exactly that.
So many of the leaders I work with are carrying more than they realize, and more capability than they give themselves credit for. The doing is already happening. The impact is already landing. But the pace of high-achievement life doesn't leave much room for reflection, and without reflection, it's nearly impossible to integrate what you've learned or recognize what you've built.
This is one of the quieter but more essential functions of coaching: creating a container where a leader can think out loud, slow down, and actually hear themselves. I listen for what's said and what isn't. I ask questions designed to surface what's already there — not to install something new, but to illuminate what's already true and help the leader decide what to do with it.
The epiphany is always already in the room. Sometimes it just needs a mirror.
This dynamic — the high achiever who can't see their own impact — isn't unique to Gerry. I've watched it play out across nearly 100 organizations and thousands of leaders over the past 20 years.
Twenty years. This month, Sage Leadership Strategies turns 20, and I find myself sitting with deep gratitude for every leader who has trusted me with their questions, their doubts, and their most important work. It has been the privilege of a career.
To mark this milestone, I'm offering 20% off a 6–12 month executive coaching engagement for anyone who begins the conversation this month. If you're in a season where the questions feel bigger than the answers — if you're wondering whether you can do this, whatever this is for you — I'd love to be in that conversation.
Sometimes all it takes is someone to hold up the mirror.
Suze Shaner-Brodax integrates corporate leadership, executive coaching, and contemplative practice to help senior leaders move beyond barriers, act with clarity, and lead with purpose and impact. www.sagelead.com.