When leaders first encounter the word "empowered," most of them think inward.

Confidence. Self-belief. The ability to make decisions without second-guessing themselves into paralysis. And yes — all of that is part of it. But in two decades of working with leaders, I've found that the leaders who feel most genuinely empowered are not necessarily the most self-assured in a room. They are the ones who know how to be in relationship.

I've worked with a lot of leaders who feel quietly guilty about purpose.

Not because they lack it. But because they're not sure they've found it — at least not in the way they were told they would. No lightning-bolt moment. No singular calling that reorganized everything. Just a persistent, underlying sense that what they're doing matters, interrupted regularly by doubt, fatigue, and the ordinary friction of a complex life.

I want to suggest that this is not a failure of purpose. This is what purpose actually looks like.

Early in my coaching career, I sat with a man who had built something remarkable — a team, a culture, a reputation for integrity and results that others pointed to as a model. By every external measure, he was thriving.

And yet the first thing he said to me, quietly, almost as an aside, was: "I'm not sure any of them would still respect me if they really knew me."

We talk extensively about mental burnout. We talk about emotional exhaustion. We talk far less about what I'd call somatic disconnection — the gradual erosion of our relationship with our own physical experience. And yet the body is not separate from our leadership. It is the ground from which everything else grows.

Many leaders in caring professions — coaches, therapists, ministers, doctors, nurses — approach self-care the same way they approach their work: with commitment, discipline, and a desire to do it well.

But when we bring our high-achieving, goal-oriented selves into self-care, it can quietly defeat the very purpose.

True self-care isn’t something to conquer.
It’s something that nourishes.

It’s about identifying the practices you look forward to, return to again and again, and rely on to sustain your energy, clarity, and capacity to serve.

If you are someone who leads and serves with heart, you are likely carrying more than most people realize.

Ambitious, values-driven leaders often neglect their own care—not because they don’t know better, but because the needs around them feel urgent and unrelenting. Over time, this takes a toll.

I am declaring this year to be one of Collective Care. The pace of change, the challenge of complexity and uncertainty, the poly crisis before us… you name your stressor. They are taking their toll on our individual and collective well-being. We all have enough to consider, on top of our jobs, to have us feeling depleted, or on the verge of burnout – even in the context of a new year beginning.